Just sitting

this is not even grief: no stages here
it is a deep despair
like oil slick
that threatens to cut off my breath
like falling down the rabbit hole that never ends

and when people
however well meaning
console and counsell,
I wish they had learned to just sit
and be there
instead of wanting to

make themselves useful
and get inside my thoughts

and not seek to tell me
how their grief was worse

and mine is better
as I had three hours before the end

why is it about you I want to ask
and risk the outraged looks: after all the trouble
they went through to support me

I have one title less than before
I have one question now:

Do I cease to be a daughter,
now that
I am an orphan?