I am in pain. My neck is painful and I have a throbbing soreness all the way down to my arm and I am not happy at the way my life has changed. I am one of the safest drivers I know: no distractions, always on speed limit, no multi-tasking while I drive. I am
The poor kids have been very supportive and have been eating take out (thanks to many Desi places in Markham, bread and fruit.
My son asked me yesterday, whispered in my ear as I was leaving for the lawyer's office:
"Can you make your chicken and potato curry for dinner." I have not cooked for days. I cannot chop vegetables, least of all potatoes that are hard. So my 12 year old son will help me do this.
These were my daughter's grade 10 exams too: yet I was never home. I was either at my physiotherapist or at the lawyers office or the doctor or the massage therapist. I could not do anything that she needed so that she could continue to study. She had to take care of her brother to make up for my absence. Her father would drive me around from visit to visit, as I wasn't yet driving myself. My neck hurts.
I realise that this has taken a toll on the wellbeing of my family although on the surface I am able to walk etc.
Slowing down like this has an impact on everything and everyone. When her father was away last week, she woke up at 5 am to clean the house and make lunch for all of us, sandwiches for three take a long time when you are 16 and groggy from studying half way through the night.
People outside of this life see only the two cars in the driveway (one now as the other has been fully paid for yet towed away, smashed beyond recognition) and the flowers and the UN reports on the best country to live in.
My pain and loneliness are my own.
Yet there are blessings, many. And I am counting them...
The poor kids have been very supportive and have been eating take out (thanks to many Desi places in Markham, bread and fruit.
My son asked me yesterday, whispered in my ear as I was leaving for the lawyer's office:
"Can you make your chicken and potato curry for dinner." I have not cooked for days. I cannot chop vegetables, least of all potatoes that are hard. So my 12 year old son will help me do this.
These were my daughter's grade 10 exams too: yet I was never home. I was either at my physiotherapist or at the lawyers office or the doctor or the massage therapist. I could not do anything that she needed so that she could continue to study. She had to take care of her brother to make up for my absence. Her father would drive me around from visit to visit, as I wasn't yet driving myself. My neck hurts.
I realise that this has taken a toll on the wellbeing of my family although on the surface I am able to walk etc.
Slowing down like this has an impact on everything and everyone. When her father was away last week, she woke up at 5 am to clean the house and make lunch for all of us, sandwiches for three take a long time when you are 16 and groggy from studying half way through the night.
People outside of this life see only the two cars in the driveway (one now as the other has been fully paid for yet towed away, smashed beyond recognition) and the flowers and the UN reports on the best country to live in.
My pain and loneliness are my own.
Yet there are blessings, many. And I am counting them...
No comments:
Post a Comment