Master of what now?

I sit here rather lie here this grey Sunday evening. Two of my favourite people lie beside me; my daughter and my cat. One rushing around braiding her hair, asking about this and that, the other: calm and lolling.

I have just opened several browsers/windows/whatchamacallits: I am looking through the Master's requirements for my course that will start soon. I am excited and apprehensive at once: what was I thinking to enroll for this when the kids are not yet fully grown, when the weather will turn soon and when I have already so much to do at school,so many new things to learn and do, show for and stand by? Crazy.

Then I go back to 1987 when I wanted to stride ahead but Life had other plans. At that time, I had moved forward and had done what I was called upon to do. So this is my time, I tell myself. I close my eyes for a while and let the feeling seep. I drive through the gates that I had once only dreamt of and then passed by on public transit. The kids were younger then and I was new to my life here, yet I had made it through.

I remind myself to stay with the now. That will help. Don't rush on and project what may be and don't feed the fears that raise their scary heads. This is a past sensation of September winds that blow through my mind. I have done this before and well. I will do this again and better.

And that Ph.D cannot be far behind now can it. Shhhh, just the Now my dear, listen to your heart.