Hello World, I have to tell you this. I did not miss you as much as I had thought I would. I have been back since 10 am today. Only I knew when I left on July 20th that I would make it through. The naysayers love me dearly, they just don't know me very well.
I find my sensitivity to sound has sharpened from the 10 days of silence. The tv or even raised voices are hard to bear. I am still able to enjoy the simplest moments, like being in splits and needing to take a break because my stomach hurt so much from laughing as we watched Pink Panther 2 together after supper. Amazing also, how quickly I have gotten used to fruit and tea at 5 pm, how my internal clock and discomfort of folded feet in adhithhaan led me to come out of meditation in an hour even without a clock or an alarm beside me. How I knew to go to respiration when the sensations became gross and solidified. Oh, explicit teaching and repetition of instructions do work.
I am secure in the feelign that this is my experience. I have not felt the need to account for every moment. I do not strive to explain my 10 days to my family. I tell them if they ask. I am not into the 'this is what I learned and I am going to tell you about it now".Isn't it like the blind men and the elephant. All the words that mean so much to me are just jargon to someone else. Why burden them with this?
Somethings change and I observe I am making progress in these areas. In others, I observe that the road ahead is difficult and needs more work. What matters is that I am able to be here, right now and go with the awareness and equanimity.
Sleep comes slowly tonight. I observe the apprehension for tomorrow and breathe a little deeper.
Anichha, anichha, anichha.
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