I read a blog entry just a little while ago entitled " A letter to a neighbourhood aunty from the-girls-these-days". I read on as if transported into the very setting of each story.
Some of us have lived this reality where women in the community, family, neighbourhood have taken great pains to undermine the lives and efforts of the younger woman. I was one, not too long ago.
Life moves on. Some of us forgive, other's try to. Forgetting is difficult.
When I look back at such incidents in my life, I grieve for the lost years of the 27 year old I was. It doesn't matter to me now. It mattered to her, the me of 1993. To this day, the aftershocks are felt as the termors of other people's fears and insecurities reach out their tentacles and threaten to choke my hard won peace in a far away land.
My Amma always said: take pity on the condition now, don't forget the injustice. If that means I am allowed this total indifference, I'll take it.
Some of us have lived this reality where women in the community, family, neighbourhood have taken great pains to undermine the lives and efforts of the younger woman. I was one, not too long ago.
Life moves on. Some of us forgive, other's try to. Forgetting is difficult.
When I look back at such incidents in my life, I grieve for the lost years of the 27 year old I was. It doesn't matter to me now. It mattered to her, the me of 1993. To this day, the aftershocks are felt as the termors of other people's fears and insecurities reach out their tentacles and threaten to choke my hard won peace in a far away land.
My Amma always said: take pity on the condition now, don't forget the injustice. If that means I am allowed this total indifference, I'll take it.
It's better than the deep despair or excruciating anger. I am also mindful that through faith or good luck, educational opportunities or immigration, I was able to disengage the yoke of patriarchal societally sanctioned oppression and move to a space where I am a person first and foremost.
Raised eyebrows and pursed lips, discriminatory practices and vessels banged in anger don't mean a thing to me anymore. Now all the sweet smiles and how-are-you's are just tokenistic tickets to a future peace for you, I know. Had you cared, you'd have cared then when she came to your home wanting to belong. Too little too late. And the loss is yours, Aunty-ji/Mummy-ji/whatever you call yourself.
All I ask is, let our daughters be happy. Whether it be a niece married recently or a niece whose wedding approaches soon, the daughter I gave birth to or the daughters who are learning to write their names...That's all I ask. Leave them be. Let them make their own lives their way. Let them enjoy their wedding day. Let them enjoy the gifts that husbands bring them.
All I ask is, let our daughters be happy. Whether it be a niece married recently or a niece whose wedding approaches soon, the daughter I gave birth to or the daughters who are learning to write their names...That's all I ask. Leave them be. Let them make their own lives their way. Let them enjoy their wedding day. Let them enjoy the gifts that husbands bring them.
Don't stand over her head and demand half of the rainbow hued bangles her husband bought for your daughters: that hurts.
Remember, daughters-in-law are someone's daughters too. Amma knew that. Not everyone does.
Remember, daughters-in-law are someone's daughters too. Amma knew that. Not everyone does.
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